Friday, January 9, 2009

The Man Who Sat Next to Me on the Plane is Not My Boyfriend.

Largely, because his girlfriend was sitting on the other side of him. And, she had the window seat. Lucky break for her.

You know what I’m sick of? Losing the love lottery every time I board a plane. A relative of mine met his wife-to-be when they were seated next to each other on a flight. I don’t want to start sounding like a John Cusack movie (well, THE John Cusack movie - I can be specific because I saw it; it’s ‘Serendipity’ and that’s the second John Cusack movie I’ve referenced in a post - see "Hugh Jackman with Facial Hair in Australia is N.M.B." - which makes me sound like I have a fetish. I don’t. Well, he did make a very attractive Dimitri in ’Anastasia’, which means I think a cartoon man is hot, which I'm pretty sure is some kind of fetish…) BUT, that’s some hardcore destiny action going on there. And I want in on that!

I was flying to Brisbane. I’m flying back out of Brisbane in a few days’ time and I will bet my bottom dollar I will not meet my boyfriend on that plane either, because now I’ve invested too much thought in it. Which is totally unfair but it’s Murphy’s Law and that shit is airtight.

Not to be one of those annoying people who talks about their holiday… but… I went on a ferry. There. Show and tell. I’ll send you a postcard later.

I like Brisbane because for four dollars and forty cents you can drift aimlessly up and down a river all afternoon without even a destination. The CityCat is also handy for being pensive on. I bet a lot of my fellow ferry-ers had blogs to go home and write.

I was thinking about this potential plane boyfriend thing on the CityCat and as a result kept sizing up every guy that got on board, which made me feel as creepy as I probably looked.

I walked out to the front of the boat to wait for a space at the rail. It’s hard to get one of those spots because everyone wants wind-hair. I waited a few stops until I saw a small gap, beside a 20-something couple. I should ask them to make room for me, I thought. No, but then they’ll think I’m annoying and I'll be embarrrassed. Who cares, it’s my holiday and I deserve a good view of water. Now ask, you pansy. I like it when Wuss Me loses and argument with Ballsy Me. It makes for a nice change.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I squeeze into that gap?”
“Yeah!” The guy answered. “You want to get in before it gets crowded?”
He was wearing sunglasses; and sunnies make everyone look good, so I was trying to mentally subtract the sunnies factor when I realised I was checking him out.
Girlfriend standing next to him! I reminded myself and then an even bigger ferry sailed past our little CityCat. An old man on board with a bushy moustache waved to our boat.

“Do you think that moustache is glued on?”

Is he asking me? ...Yes. It was to me.
I laughed.
Pointing out a comical moustache is exactly the kind of thing I find funny! I was going to attempt to say something else but then I didn’t want to seem like a hussy to his girlfriend. So I stared at water.
And stared at water.
The ferry made a few more stops and no one spoke. And then out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the guy turn his head, look at me for a second, before shrugging and walking away to get off the boat.

The girlfriend stayed behind.
Which I suppose meant she wasn’t his girlfriend. SHE WAS JUST ANOTHER RANDOM GIRL ON A FERRY!

For the rest of the day I thought of amusing things I could have said after his moustache comment: “Yes, they probably made him buy one along with his boat licence”; “Yes, and on weekends he works as Yosemite Sam down at Movie World“; “No, maybe he’s doing Movember and forgot it ended.” Gold, GOLD, gold.

Nothing, I said nothing. I’m so mad at me. Ballsy Me isn’t even speaking to Wuss Me.
There I was, waiting for Destiny Man to sit next to me on some form of transportation and he was right there and I missed it! The best tell-the-grandkids story ever.
Elderly me: “We met on a ferry.”
Ancestor of me: “Cool, Yiayia!” (What, I’m Greek, I may want my grandkids to call me Yiayia.)
No grandkid would baulk at a met-on-a-ferry story.

But I blew it. Because I didn’t think it would happen to me.

If this were that John Cusack movie, a friend of his would be reading this now and then say to him, “Hey, man, did you ride the CityCat on Wednesday the 7th of January? Because some chick was checking you out. Then she blogged about it, which is freaky so maybe don’t go there.”

Hey, fair call, City Cat Guy’s Friend, but I’m trying to be facetious! Can you please add that!? ADD THAT I’M TRYING TO BE FACETIOUS!
“Okay, but you’ve told, what, 12 people about this blog? It’s unlikely that the random friend of a random guy you stood next to on a ferry who made you chuckle and may have looked attractive under his sunglasses and may have been single and may have looked at you for a second too long would be reading this.”

Shut up. I’ve imagined you. Stop raining on my parade.

He’s right, though. The chances are slim. Then again, to quote John “Whispering Jack” Farnham. Farnsy.
“Have a little faith.” Yeah?


  1. "Yes, and on weekends he works as Yosemite Sam down at Movie World“"

    This one line has left me rolling around on the floor laughing for the last 5 minutes.


  2. That was exactly what I was going to copy, paste, then say how much I lol-d over theat too!

    But the image of the guy looking back, shrugging his shoulders and walking off also made me gasp and throw my hands up in the air!


  3. NB. for anyone playing along at home - just caught my return flight from Brissie... and the seat beside me was EMPTY!
    Make of THAT what you will!
    (*shakes fist at kizmet*)

    - V


  4. Actually this is similar to that awful Lance Bass movie - ON THE LINE - where he meets this fun chick on a train, doesn't get her name or number, and then posts posters all over asking if you are the girl he spoke to on the train for she was his destiny....


Tree Hearts Blogger Template