Hugh Jackman with facial hair in Australia is Not My Boyfriend.

Look. Hugh should just go back through his resume, jump on to imdb, have a look for any film he ever did without facial hair and do a big ol’ DELETE.

I haven’t seen 'X-Men'.
Haven’t seen 'Van Helsing'.
Haven’t seen 'Paperback Hero'.
Did see a bit of (okay, all of) 'Someone Like You' but it wasn’t my DVD, it was my housemate’s - and it was my housemate’s burnt copy, at that - and I know that doesn’t make it okay but I was bored one night and I’d already watched 'Must Love Dogs' the night before so I had a hankering for another mediocre rom-com that starts out with promise but that just ends up leaving me wanting.

It’s a very narrow genre.

So, basically, I’m new to Hugh.

Many did not like 'Australia'. But I stuck it out. I was there for the highs and the lows (and by lows I mean that part in the middle where he doesn’t have any facial hair for a bit). And you know what, I’m better for it.

You see, I’ve been wondering about my femininity. When colleagues discuss shirtless tradies, I usually drift off and think about the necessity of showers. When gal pals are firing up the age-old ‘Would You Prefer to Be Mrs Bloom or Mrs Depp’ debate, I’m usually thinking about the pretty dresses Keira Knightley wore in POTC, and that if I did get married I’d want to keep my own name and that if I really did have to choose, I‘d choose neither because I think Orlando is pointy, and Johnny will always be that pale guy with stationery instead of fingers.

The authorities were about to come and take my Straight Girl Licence off me.

So, it was kind of a relief that for almost three consecutive hours all I wanted in life was to be that tree that Hugh leaned his rugged, Aussie, manly, bristly self against...

But hey, Deborah Lee-Furness seems like a good egg and the two of them are my last hope for a happy Hollywood marriage (I will NEVER get over Tom and Nicole, I don’t care how many babies they have with other people) so no way am I getting in the way of that. And so, Hugh Jackman with facial hair is Not My Boyfriend. Which is for the best. I would be very bad for Gillette sales.

But thank you, Hugh for reinstating my sexuality. And of course, a big thanks must also go to Baz. Great call on the facial hair, my friend. Gonna go out and buy another Red Curtain Trilogy box just to do you a solid.